My Five-Year-Plan Versus God's Infinite Plan: No Contest
He was restless, and sick, and out of context. So I took our little one-year-old warrior out of the crib at my parents' house, and laid him on the guest bed. I put my arm over his chest, and sang to him softly. And I thought:
Dear God, how could I ever love another person as much as I love this one?
My thoughts wandered to the unborn child within me, and to all the children I hoped would someday fill our home. Would I love them less than this one?
Immediately, a scene from over two years ago flashed into my mind. Married only a few weeks to the most incredible, inspiring, God-honoring man I had ever met, I did not consider myself ready to be a mother. Bearing children was not supposed to be part of our marriage, thanks to the miracle (cancer survival) and curse (resulting infertility) of modern medicine. Pondering these and many other thoughts, I put my arm across my new husband's chest as he fell asleep. The exact same question had crossed my mind:
Dear God, how could I ever love another person as much as I love this one?
With every unplanned turn my life takes, this lesson is reiterated: God knows better. He knows what and who I will need in my life -- far better than any five-year-plan I could concoct.
While I am learning to plan less and to trust more, old habits die hard. He must remodel and remake my life (and the lives of those I love) in the ways He sees best. Whether these lessons will come through suffering or joy, I cannot know. But I do know they will come from the hand of a good God, whose love is infinite. His plan versus mine? No contest. His, every time.
Dear God, how could I ever love another person as much as I love this one?
My thoughts wandered to the unborn child within me, and to all the children I hoped would someday fill our home. Would I love them less than this one?
Immediately, a scene from over two years ago flashed into my mind. Married only a few weeks to the most incredible, inspiring, God-honoring man I had ever met, I did not consider myself ready to be a mother. Bearing children was not supposed to be part of our marriage, thanks to the miracle (cancer survival) and curse (resulting infertility) of modern medicine. Pondering these and many other thoughts, I put my arm across my new husband's chest as he fell asleep. The exact same question had crossed my mind:
Dear God, how could I ever love another person as much as I love this one?
I imagined I would be a terrible mother, unable or unwilling to love the helpless little life growing inside of me as much as I already loved someone else. God knew better. There is room in every heart for more love.
With every unplanned turn my life takes, this lesson is reiterated: God knows better. He knows what and who I will need in my life -- far better than any five-year-plan I could concoct.
While I am learning to plan less and to trust more, old habits die hard. He must remodel and remake my life (and the lives of those I love) in the ways He sees best. Whether these lessons will come through suffering or joy, I cannot know. But I do know they will come from the hand of a good God, whose love is infinite. His plan versus mine? No contest. His, every time.
I am learning the same lessons girl. And you know what. There is always more love than any fear we might have. And the fact that it all emanates from the glory of God himself and our overarching love for him is a blessing and a curse. When you take our eyes off him we worry about so many things. When we look at him, there is always enough love. Hugs momma!
ReplyDelete